I’ve been incredibly depressed. Not only is this a shitty time of year to have no money whatsoever, but it’s also the one year anniversary of when I said goodbye to some of the people and things I loved most. A few days ago I thought I’d look through blog posts from a year ago and write about how much I’ve done or changed in the last year. When I went back to look I saw a lot of things that reminded me just how depressed I was at this time last year. Although I’m thankful I’ve found such wonderful people to start a new life with, I can’t help but question why – what have I done to deserve the love I feel from the people I care about?

I wish I could do something nice for everyone who has helped me over the last year. I wouldn’t have survived, or even attempted to if it wasn’t for most of you. I can’t thank you enough, and I’m forever indebted to you all.

Since I have nothing to share with any of you (besides a growing mountain of debt I doubt anyone wants) I want to tell you all I love you, and that next year I will do better.

If there is one person I couldn’t have lived without, and owe more than anyone else (besides my loving parents who always make sure I’m taken care of) it’s Holly.  She has been the best part of life ever since she came into it. She’s beautiful and smart, and a very generous and kind person. In the last year, she’s been kind enough to make me part of her family and cared for me like I’m one of her boys.

Holly, I love you so much, and don’t deserve you one bit. I’m sorry I’ve been so down the last little while, and for lacking patience with the boys. I love you all, and I don’t mean to be such a douche all the time. I hope you and I live a long, happy life together. And one day, when I’m all grown up and have a job, I want to build you a gorgeous home for us to grow old and die in.