The Archives

Animals, Roanisms
Unlucky Charms
04.29.11 | Permalink | Comment?

Wednesday afternoon I was sitting at my desk, working, when Roan came running up stairs completely hysterical. “Eric! Eric! Eric! Oh my god..! Eric! Oh my god… check this out… I found a four leaf clover!”, I stopped working immediately (obviously, it’s a fucking four leaf clover yo!) and snapped the above photo for him. He then told me he didn’t know four leaf clovers were real, because people say six leaf clovers aren’t real (two things: I have never heard anyone say anything about a six leaf clover ever, and how does that even relate to a four leaf clover?). I then asked where he found it, and I got the whole story. “Cameron said we should look for four leaf clovers, so we found a patch of them, and the first one I picked had four leaves, and I was like – holy crap! That’s awesome.. It’s just so cool.”. I told him he’s supposed to have good luck, but I might have been wrong…

The four-leaf clover is an uncommon variation of the common, three-leaved clover. According to tradition, such leaves bring good luck to their finders, especially if found accidentally.

Apparently if you’re clover hunting the results may vary from someone who just stumbles upon one. I normally would dismiss all of this as superstition, but it would appear there might be some truth (not likely, but just pretend) to it all. The very next day, our luck was far from good. Then this morning Roan woke up to find a slaughtered mouse in the middle of his new rug.

Hopefully his trip to Medieval Times today goes off without a hitch. I personally know just how rotten of a time one can have at that place when cursed with bad luck.

For the record, clovers can have more than four leaves: the most ever recorded is 56, discovered by Shigeo Obara of Hanamaki, Iwate, Japan on 10 May 2009. Thanks Wikipedia.
Life, Photos
Wind > Shed > Fence > Tree
04.29.11 | Permalink | Comment?

We’ve been having some interesting weather the last week or so. It’s gone from sunny and warm, to torrential downpours with thunder and lightning, then back to sunny again on a daily basis. Yesterday morning was beautiful. The temperature was perfect, the sun was shining, and there was a constant breeze. Shortly after placing the trash at the curb (Thursday is garbage day by the way) it became apparent the breeze was a little more than a breeze. I decided to place a small patio stone atop the recycling bins, to hopefully keep everything from spilling out all over the yard. It worked. Unfortunately, the recycling guys decided at some point t0 give up (I’m guessing this was around the 50th house they got to and saw that the bins had already been emptied by mother nature), so my mighty recycling fortress still stands unnoticed, unwanted, uncollected.

The shed however, is another story.

I have been worried about the shed’s ability to withstand the weather for some time now, and Holly and I had agreed to address it this summer hopefully. I didn’t really think about it yesterday though. Instead I went about my day as usual, playing a game of zombies with Tony Mike before we each start work. Our game was going great until Holly’s hydro flickered and I lost our connection. Although I was pissed about our game ending through an act of God, I was also relieved at the prospect of not being able to work for a little while due to hydro issues beyond my control. I logged in to facebook and saw that Holly had already witnessed the power of the wind on her way to work. At the top of the skyway (which advertised “vicious winds”) something hit her windshield and cracked it.

It was around this time that I looked out the bedroom window and noticed the neighbour, Ann, looking in the direction of our shed with a worried look on her face. I ran downstairs and saw the shed doors flapping around, along with a few pieces of the paneling. At this point the power went out for good. Concerned for the safety of The Sword, I grabbed my keys and backed it down the driveway, to what I felt was a safe distance, then pushed the trampoline up against the backside of the shed to try and keep the paneling from flying off. I yelled to Ann, told her I would figure out some way to deal with the shed, and not to worry. I called Holly and explained that I didn’t think the shed was going to survive the wind, and asked if she had any suggestions on how I should deal with it. Neither of us had any idea what we could do, and instead spoke more about how incredibly loud it all was. We hung up and I walked back towards the side door. I didn’t get outside before I realized the question of how to deal with the shed was answered. The loud noises was the sound of the shed smashing through the back fence.

A short time later, while I was cleaning up the mess above, I witnessed a pair of welcome mats go whizzing through the air then smack into Ann’s side fence just moments before the entire fence seemed to get sucked into a vortex in her neighbour’s yard. The sound of her fenceposts snapping was enough to make her run outside again and look in the shed’s direction. I pointed to her driveway and her jaw dropped. Her grandson and neighbour helped me collect all the debris and move it to her garage.

I kept on cleaning and at one point had to adjust the recycling fortress. I crossed paths with the mailman on the way to the bins, he told me there was a large tree branch blocking the street around the corner. I decided to take a break after moving all the shed stuff to the back patio, and dislodging the carcass from the fence since I was still waiting for The Shawnz to show up (I forgot to mention I called a few friends in a panic to try and quickly disassemble the shed before it was airborne, and Shawnzi was the only one able to respond, but once the power was out for good I couldn’t call him and tell him not to worry). I walked around the block to survey the damage and take the photo above. That’s the tree the mailman was talking about.

Apparently I was so busy worrying about the shed I failed to notice 5 trees falling over in the neighbours back yard. It wasn’t until I went for a walk around the block that I noticed a few had uprooted, and others snapped at the base. There was quite a lot of damage in the neighbourhood, but that post will come later (this one is just about the Cobra Crew). Shawn arrived soon after I returned from my walkabout, and we discussed whether or not there was anything else we could do. Smoking a blunt was how we decided to proceed.

Then I brought Shawn with me to further inspect the neighbourhood and check on Holly’s mom’s place. We saw a ton of power lines taken out by trees that were down or had dropped huge limbs as a result of the 90km/h winds, as well as lots of basketball nets laying on the ground. As we got further from Holly’s and closer to her mom’s, the damage seemed to be less severe. When I pulled in her driveway, I said to Shawn, “Well, everything looks just fine, but I’ll go take a peek around back.”. I wasn’t expecting anything other than her birdbath being knocked over, but I was wrong.

This is what I saw when I came around the back corner of her house. Normally there is a tall spruce tree standing in the yard, and a slightly larger pine standing in the neighbour’s. Apparently, shortly after the power went (out killing the phone) Holly’s sister, Dawn, tried to call me in a panic. When she couldn’t reach me she tried Holly, who informed her that I was dealing with our shed issue, and probably wasn’t near a phone (as she was unaware the phone was no longer working). I woke Dawn up by knocking on the door (a lot) and asked if she wanted me to take care of it with the chainsaw. She said there were insurance people coming to see it, so not to touch it. Then she asked me to fix the chainsaw while I was there, because Jeff (Holly’s brother) had used it to cut the tree off of where it was resting on the house and now the chain was off.

Shawn and I took the saw apart, cleaned it, and fixed the blade. I wasn’t able to run it after because I failed to find any chain oil, so instead I used my woodworking skills to make this sign (by woodworking skills I mean my ability to find two scrap pieces of wood and a Sharpie).

When Holly got home we went for a drive to see the damage done to the area around her house, and it was impressive. We even saw a boat on it’s side! Then we devised a plan to take care of all the junk, and move the snow blower and lawn mower to her mom’s garage. Unfortunately that plan got tossed out the window because it all revolved around us being able to use her work van, which decided not to start (even with the assistance of jumper cables) when we got to it. Angry and defeated, when drove home. We stopped and got some subs, then went home to find the power still off. By that time the wind had basically settled down, so we did some more tidying.

We’re still waiting to see if we’re going to put a claim through Holly’s insurance because it may not be worth it. In the meantime we need to find a way to protect our lawn equipment, and the boys 50 bikes.
Angry Art, Life
Delving deep into my doodles
04.21.11 | Permalink | Comment?

I make a lot of little notes to remind myself about important things (as I’m sure most of us do), and I usually also add some sort of doodle. I was cleaning my desk and found a bunch of these on random bits of paper. I am no psychoanalyst, but I’d say there is a theme to my doodles. It would appear I mostly enjoy drawing robots relaxing and smoking fat blunts. I think this is indicative of my idea of happiness. The thought of having no worries, and being able to just relax while the sun shines on my belly.

You know how people say “it’s the little things…”, well I agree. And for me, one of the “little things” I love is having a peaceful moment to relax and stare off while I exhale rings of smoke. I play a game that I’ve played since the day I learned how to create “smoke-o’s”, where I try to shoot an “O” through another “O”. I do this because it’s fun and calming. I can’t remember what I was doing while I drew the image above, but I’m guessing I was watching a progress bar from the corner of my eye, while backing up work at around 4:00am (or maybe 4:20) and bouncing smoke-o’s off my monitors.

I’d like to point out that if you went back to my kindergarten archives (if such a thing exists) you’d notice another pattern in my drawings; I always add a bird(s) and sun (ironically) wearing sunglasses.

Aside from robots, I have a few other characters I draw. If it’s a side profile you get either the bearded stoner above, or a sort of Elvis-nerd hybrid that somewhat resembles Fido-dido. On the rare occasion the two have been combined, but who has the time anymore, I’m 30.

Pay no attention to my terrible handwriting. Yes, I always write in all caps. And yes, I realize I would be first to stone someone for WRITING LIKE THIS ON FACEBOOK, OR ANYWHERE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. I’m allowed however because I took one college drafting class.

My other character is the front view. This character is ALWAYS Asian. Up until recently there would be some slightly racist, exaggerated features (45° to 60° eyes, large buck teeth, and an almost pig-like nose… sorry Asians…). The only thing I didn’t rework in this recent version is the classic rice hat. That hat was perfected while my brother and I spent hours at my grandmother’s kitchen table drawing Asians and Pirates, and Asian Pirates all over the people in the stacks of newspapers my gram had. That’s the same place I later developed the cartoon joint – classic!

Hope you enjoyed this look inside the artist that is this cobra.
Animals, Photos
Pair of idiot cats invented
04.21.11 | Permalink | Comment?

These two are always doing something. It’s usually something cute, and often something loud, but it is always something stupid. Individually they are quite stupid, but combining their intellects is a bit like multiplying a negative by a negative and somehow ending up with a negative. I suppose, however, that I may be misinterpreting brain-dead exploration with some sort of super genius. After all, they were both only recently sprung from jail. They could be honing their escape skills, or subjecting themselves to cell like conditions to train their minds to cope with captivity in the event of being recaptured before completing their mission.
Food, Photos
Cobras and Cap’ns convene
04.21.11 | Permalink | Comment?

Holly recently took Gage over the border to buy some overpriced ugly shoes that look like something dorks from the late 80′s would wear, and she came home with lots of great food. I mean, it was all terribly unhealthy, but it was delicious. Not only did I get Combos and some cheesecake, I also got a box of pure, uncut childhood happiness as you can see in the image above.

I ate two bowls around 1:30 this morning. My tummy hurts.
Gageisms, Photos, Roanisms
Roan’s revenge
04.21.11 | Permalink | Comment?

After raising him from a young age, and training him in the arts of cold blooded murder, he and his brother set out on a mission to save hot chicks with hewg bewbz from the evil lurking around every corner of this shit town. It didn’t take them long to eliminate most of the major threats within the city’s rotten core and life generally improved for most. Everything was looking great for the pair of vigilant brothers, who were in it strictly for the good of all the big bewbed hotties in town, and all the awesome guns they got to play with (/doubleentendre>).

It was all looking too good for too long. Something had to happen. Something always has to happen…

Unlike any other story ever told ever before, ever, something new happened… one brother betrayed the other! No one ever saw it coming ever. It was the best plot conflict ever (you know, because how can the good guy kill the bad guy when no matter how evil he is, he’s still his bro, bro).

Through some incredible sequence of unlikely events, Roan was able to escape his brother (who was older AND trained HIM let’s not forget) and fled the country to build a weapon capable of destroying the brother who betrayed him – the V420 Vengeance-blaster. While away, his brother kidnapped the one hottie he actually loved, and kept her captive as insurance. He had no idea his little brother would return wielding deadly vengeance.

No one could have imagined the damage Gage was capable of doing in the short time Roan was absent from the town, but it would all soon come to an end, the streets would once again be peaceful. In the end it only took a single shot from the V420 to bring down the hero turned villian, and set in motion the events that would cause his empire of corruption to fall. Roan saved his love, and she gave him a silly band shaped like a heart and two sticks of gum.

Then Roan went home and played with his cars and never picked them up… ever.
Roanisms
Space
04.21.11 | Permalink | 3 Comments

A little while ago Roan brought home a pile of stuff from school, and once I had a chance to go through it I found this informative masterpiece. I have transcribed it exactly how it was originally typed by the author, and I’ve decided to highlight some of my favourite parts.

SPACE

SPACE IS VARY INTORESTING TRIONS OF PLANETS AND GALAXSES ALL IN OUR HEWG HEWMUGES UNEVERS AND OUR SOLER SITAM JUPATER WITH 61 MOONS URANUS WITH 9 MOONS EARTH WITH 1 MOON AND ALL THE ATHER PLANETS in the SOLER SISTAM AND THERE ARE MANY DIFRENT AND BIGER STARS THAN THE SUN ANDTRILEONS OF MORE ANDBIGER PLANETS THANEARTH TO BUT NOT a lot OF PLANETS SESTAN LIFE ATHER THAN EARTH. SPACE IS A VERY BIG PLACE WITH TRILEONS OF MILEONS OF NEET THINGS TO BUT ALIENS COULD BE OUT THERE TO THOU I THINK WE CANT BE THE ONLY LIFE IN THE UNEVERS THE UNEVERS IS JUST SO BIG THAT IT CAN FIT SO MANY WANDERFULL LIFE JUST MILONS OF THE PLANETS DONT HAVE ATMISFIRS OR ANY OXEJEN FOR US TO BREETH . METERS CAN COME THREW OUR ATMISFUR AND KILL PEOPLE BUT IT USHULY DOSONT happen VERY OFTENT BUT I THINK it is WHAT KILLED THE DINOSORS BUT IT MAYMHAVE NOT YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOUR NEVER THERE BUT THINGS happen LIKE THAT BUT PEOPLE HAVEVANESHED MILONS OF HABETATS TO THOU PEOPLE DESTROYED EARTH ALLSO I WISH PEOPLE HAVE NEVER DO SUCH A THING LIKE THAT EVER BUT OVER TIME ANIMALS LIFE WILL JUST FADE AWAY BUT SOME ANIMALS ARE VERY INTELEGENT LIKE PEOPLE BUT ONLY SOME PEOPLE USE THE INTELAGENT PEOPLE sometimes JUST DESTROY EVERYTHING instead. BUT METERS AND COMETS PAST EARTH AND THE MOON ALL THE TIME. Space is just a big ixsplotion and it is just expanding and expanding. The sun is about half way to exploding into a black hole that has the strength to crush something flatter than a pees of paper but that wont happen for so long from now . And we might celide with another galaxy in in a couple 100100000000000000 years from now past millions of peoples lives so don’t worry. Did you know that close to how many solar system in the galaxy is about how many grains of sand are on earth. That is a lot of solar system in 1 galaxy . and that there is a metier that could hit earth in the year 2036 but I think that they will ether find something to hit it with or it just will get taken from another planets gravity but it wont kill any body any ways so there’s nothing to worry about right now. I would always wont to go on the moon that would be a neat experiences in my life but its to expensive they make everything to expensive but I understand for this one . Now I’m going to talk about the Amazon forest a bit that’s interesting to you know well I think so at leest

Amazon forest, the Amazon forest is just being destroyed I don’t understand why it is so special it would be one of the most special if it wasn’t being destroyed but the blew there chance all as they want is money I don’t see why money is the world it just a pees of paper with numbers on it why so series and this is alcoholy true not saying that the other stuff isnt true some of it is but human being is a failed sepses it just destroyed earth. I am not trying to be mean ether I am just saying what is going on with this pure forest you are also killing so many animals. All right back to space and planets. I know that there is more planets out there that have oxygen because we arnt the only ones that can breath because space is just to big of a place not to have more than one planet that has oxygen I know there is more than one planet like that. in the universe there are meetyers that pas earth and the moon all the time. the universe know one has found the edge of the universe yet . Mars is getting invited they are trying to find water on Mars not that it is a bad thing they also found pyramids on Mars to that could be a sign of aliens I be liven aliens do you? I also think that aliens made us a lot of people don’t beleven aliens but I do . An alien could of put a peas of back are on a rock then sent it to earth then all the life formed and then finally us one of the newest animals in the world people ether are still dinosaurs on earth you know frogs sharks crocodiles and that about it people used to think that the world was square and you would fall off if you went to far. there are still trillions of thing to be discovered out there in space the universe is just so big that so much things can fit in it. we are not the only life in the universe the universe is just a big explosion that happened called the big bane it happened a couple trillion yeas ago. Also there is a storm on Jupiter that has been there for sentry’s. Saturn has rings but Saturn also has another ring around the first ring to that ring is very big and it is red. Vunis is the only planet that goes clock wise . Thank you for reading my dock I will make another one next time

by roan: Meredith

Just to clarify, Jupiter actually has 63 moons, and Uranus has 27. The Meteor he talks about hitting Earth is known as Apophis, and you can read more about it here (although I prefer Roan’s version).
Life
Cobras hate Carpet
04.21.11 | Permalink | Comment?

Holly recently got her income tax return, so she decided to redo the floors in the boys rooms. Originally she was considering re-carpeting them, but I suggested laminate would be cheap, look nice, and be easier to keep clean. She agreed and proceeded to do as Holly does – act fast. She pulled a Home Depot flier out of the newspaper and found an upcoming sale. We then went to look at it before the sale and discovered she liked the colour of another product better. She decided to buy 3 area rugs and 13 boxes of laminate planks once I convinced her I’d find a way to get it all in here Buick (had we brought The Sword there would have been no question – no one ever questions The Sword!). It took a few minutes, and my ride home was incredibly uncomfortable, but I did it.

The next day, Holly and I started tearing up Roan’s carpet around 9am. By 12:30 we were finished everything but his closet, and the transition strip in his doorway. That evening Holly went out and my brother came by to help me with Gage’s room. It took us a little less time than Roan’s room, which is strange since we took plenty of smoke breaks and ate a bunch of cereal. We also left his closet, and the transition at the doorway to be dealt with later. I finished the closet in Roan’s room and both transitions on Tuesday. This afternoon I plan to finish Gage’s closet so I can clean up all the tools, although that might prove pointless since I think Holly intends to start redoing her front railing as soon as possible.

I’m very pleased with how the floors look, and love the fact that I managed to complete the job without any major issues, set backs, or swearing outbursts. Hopefully the railing will have similar results.
Life, Love
In Memory of Kit (Christopher) Rousseau
04.19.11 | Permalink | Comment?

December 20, 1949 – April 9, 2011

Ten days ago the world lost one of its greatest creations – a loving, devoted father who was a perfect example of how amazing some humans can be. I only knew Kit a short time, but I doubt that even if I’d known him since birth I could adequately express through words alone the kind of man he was, or the impact he made on so many of his loved ones.

Please take a few minutes and read this, and this.

Although losing him is a tragedy, I can’t begin to explain the beauty I found in seeing his entire massive family rush to his side when things looked bleak. So many people with so much love. I made him a promise when we said our goodbyes, and I intend to stay true to it.
Roanisms
Be on the lookout
04.06.11 | Permalink | Comment?

Apparently Drake is a two time offender, and Pitbull a triple threat.