Last week it was cold. Not as cold as this week but cold nonetheless. I spent most of my days outside, working on cleaning the yard of our shop, trying to find a spot for all the leftover building materials and rusted old tools. At one point we decided to start burning some of the scrap wood that never gets used. We have an old steel drum in one corner of the driveway that we often use for this purpose, so we tossed a few bins full of end chunks in with some gasoline and started a nice little fire. After about an hour or so the flames started shooting through a hole in the side of the drum. I took the above photo of the hole just a few minutes before enough flames shot out of it far enough to melt and ignite a few bags of oak wood chips that were stacked nearby.
When my boss came out he saw what had happened and decided to just roll with it, rather than try and fight it. He had me tear open the rest of the bags of oak chips, spread them around with a rake, then cover them in gasoline. After that the yard cleaning sped up tenfold. Anything wood, or steel with wood attached to it, got tossed on the fire. Within minutes our little fire was a roaring blaze with fifteen foot flames. It wasn’t so cold after that. Any time I did get cold (usually when my gloves got soaked, then I had to take them off for a minute… when you put them back on they are usually frozen stiff) I would stand next to the fire for a few, and dangle my gloves over the flames.
We kept the fire going for about three or four days, adding any and all flammable objects that we couldn’t justify keeping around, or moving for the umpteenth time. The end result is a much cleaner yard, a whole lot less shit that never gets used, and about two hundred square feet of scorched grass.
For a while now I have been claiming on Facebook to be the owner / operator of my own business known as Smoking Cobra G.D.F. (Graphic Design Firm) so whenever I get asked to enter a company name these days, that’s it. I was excited to see it on the most recent piece of mail I received. Who knows, if I don’t end up getting hired full time at John Deere, then perhaps I’ll be forced to actually start Smoking Cobra Designsâ„¢.
Some of you may be aware that last year I wanted to start my own annual facial hair tradition much like Movember called Decembeard, where I would be permitted to let my facial hair get longer than an eighth of an inch – something Holly frowned upon. But here we are a year later, and now Holly and the rest of the general populous are madly in love with my beard, so I’m forced to pioneer yet another tradition.
I hereby declare 2011-2012 as the dawn of Janu- (or possibly Febru-) hairy. I hope to avoid trimming my beard (and hair) until the end of which ever month I actually decide on, but I’m guessing the minute Holly reads this she will turn to me and say something like “If you don’t trim that thing you’re not getting sex.”, and I’ll respond with something like “I’m going to trim my beard, can we do it?”, and she’ll roll her eyes and say “Good god, what’s wrong with you?”, and I’ll take the fact that she didn’t say no as a “Oh you know I wanna do it, bad!”.
Absolute fact: Chicks dig beards, the only reason some of them make us trim/shave them is jealousy.
This morning I saw this image on reddit, and it immediately reminded me of something I had as a kid.
It’s a piggy bank shaped like an apple. You put coins on the little yellow peg that sticks up sort of like the apple’s tooth (if apples had teeth of course), then a little worm comes out of the apple’s head and ‘eats’ your coin. I of course rarely ever put coins in it as a result of my addiction to Golden Axe, Slurpees, and penny-candy. However, it did see plenty of use. I would regularly incorporate it into my playtimes, having it eat parts of G.I.Joes, or sometimes I would cram a M.U.S.C.L.E. Man in there and just watch it chew on him over and over while it jammed.
I had a difficult time finding an image of the exact piggy bank I had as a kid, but I finally found one on someone’s etsy page. I think my mum might actually still have the one we used to own, but I could be wrong. Like I’ve said here many times before, I love things that force memories into my mind.
A while back (October 2009 to be exact) my good friend set a world record during a live preformance on Vancouver’s Breakfast TV. The record was for: Most mouse traps released on the tongue in one minute – 27. The Guinness World Record website apparently just made official recognition of this finally.
For those who don’t know, the man above is Sweet Pepper Klopek. Aside from being a world record holder, he was also the front man for two of the best bands to ever come out of Niagara, and is currently one half of the Monsters of Schlock. If you’ve never seen their show, I highly recommend it. It’s a great way to spend an evening, and they never disappoint. Check out their website and watch some of their interviews.
This blog is not my first. I have been keeping track of, and boring the internet with my goings on and thoughts for years now. Seldom has it caused me any grief. Rather I find it pleasant to write, and sometimes even more pleasant to read. Only once has someone requested I censor my posts.Â Others would appear to not be so lucky.
It shocks me to find out that a blog that’s only a few months old, and content seems completely harmless, is causing it’s owner so many issues. Either my blog is even less popular than I thought, or the readers of this other blog are incredibly sensitive. Regardless of the reason, I think it’s bullshit that someone is causing problems over a few paragraphs someone wrote about their feelings.
Sometimes it’s harsh hearing what people really think about us or our decisions, but isn’t it better to know and be able to choose whether or not to correct our actions and become a more likable / better person, rather than walk around like a douche, not knowing people can’t stand us?
While Holly and the boys were away at Disney, I went one night and stood in the cold for 2 hours at midnight in a lineup of virgins I couldn’t wait to teabag with my virtual nuts later that night. I did this because we were all really looking forward to the release of Call of Duty: Black Ops, and our pre-ordered copies were finally available. The wait was worth it. I’ve played every COD game since COD 3 and can honestly say this one is best. Every complaint I had about previous itterations has been rectified.
Today was the first chance Holly and I got to sit and play around all day, aside from playing the odd round of zombies whenever we’ve got a bit of free time. We started out playing zombies shortly after she woke up, but had very little luck getting anywhere. After getting frusstrated, I asked her to attempt some of the new “Combat Training” mode with me. She obviously loved it since we played for just over five hours in total today. I’m glad she likes it, and I’m hoping that with the right amount of practice she’ll be comfortable enough to play online with me. I would love to hear her trash talking noobs while she teabags them.
Above is a somewhat related image. The newest COD includes the ability to record screen shots and short in-game clips, then retrieve them off the COD website. I, however, have had zero luck linking my COD webID with my PSN ID, and thus wrote an email requesting some help. I felt it necessary to add a little ASCII Art signature which I think will now become my fulltime signature.
Or maybe just this:
8""""8 8 " eeeee eeeee eeeee eeeee 8e 8 88 8 8 8 8 8 8 88 8 8 8eee8e 8eee8e 8eee8 88 e 8 8 88 8 88 8 88 8 88eee8 8eee8 88eee8 88 8 88 8
For the last few weeks I’ve been trying to figure out what to do for Holly that would be a great birthday gift. I had a couple ideas already, but they were terrible. I decided to cop out and do something she’s always asking me to, but have never gotten around to – building book shelves for her 177 135 Stephen King novels. I took a break from work this morning and designed something I could easily construct with my lack of money and tools. I’m pretty proud of it. It should, in theory, work perfectly for holding both large and small books (with or without pictures), as long as all the joinery is tight.
I won’t be the one to find out if it works however, as yet another Cobra conceived craft has been kiboshed before construction. Holly doesn’t want this, so instead I’ll make something out of MDF and slap a piece of moulding on it. If YOU would like to find out if it works and is awesome, follow the drawing above. It’s got all the dimensions you need (except the pegs, and tenon offsets) and if you have any questions you can send them to [email protected]
Here’s a rendering of what the finished product should look like (depending on what type of wood/finish you choose to use). Although it was designed for Stephen King novels and the Twilight series, I am relatively certain the design is compatible with most other books, but cannot be held responsible if it causes the formation of a gravitational singularity that sucks up your entire house the minute you set The Giving Tree on it.
If you (whoever you are) decide to construct this finely designed Cobra bookcase, please contact me at the email address above and provide photos of your finished product, maybe some of your progress, and definitely any of your house getting swallowed up by a singularity (if that’s even possible to photograph??). I will be sure to post about it here, and you’ll then be famous and get more chicks.
Good luck Cobra carpernters. Remember: Mercy is for the weak!
Holly and I went out this afternoon to do a few errands and get some groceries. When we got back Holly noticed the umbrella that sits in the patio table was in the middle of the backyard. Two seconds later I noticed that the entire table top was shattered and lying in pieces all over the back patio. Luckilly Holly has a spare tabletop in the shed, but now we have to find a place to dispose of fifty pounds of broken glass.
A while back Holly did some modeling for her brother and his wife, who are developing their own photography business. They specialize horror, and in my opinion they do a great job. I think the reason I like their stuff so much, is that they give you a minimal amount of visuals, but what they show you is highly effective in getting the message across and evoking that feeling of terror.
The above photo is featured in their first calendar, along with some others Holly appears in (or at least parts of her!). If you’re interested in seeing more, head over to their site and their Facebook page. Everything they have posted looks amazing.