A while back Holly did some modeling for her brother and his wife, who are developing their own photography business. They specialize horror, and in my opinion they do a great job. I think the reason I like their stuff so much, is that they give you a minimal amount of visuals, but what they show you is highly effective in getting the message across and evoking that feeling of terror.

The above photo is featured in their first calendar, along with some others Holly appears in (or at least parts of her!). If you’re interested in seeing more, head over to their site and their Facebook page. Everything they have posted looks amazing.

Today I finished correcting all the text in the Post and Beam book (remember, we’re back to 3) and making it all uniform size. I finished two full days ahead of schedule, which might be the first time I’ve ever been in that position on this project. I sent James a draft to look over this afternoon, and checked to see how he was coming along with the edits to the manuscript. Since flip-flopping back to the original 3 book idea, the main thing that needs to be changed is the introduction. Other than that, the text stays fairly close to the same (or at least that’s what I’ve been told…).

I then moved on to laying out the first part of the appendix. I spent most of the evening fixing models of tools and remaking a calculator that got eaten by cyberspace singularities last week. I was going to stop there, but I kept going until I had the first page of the appendix roughed out (above). Then I emailed it to James and called him to get his opinion on the layout.

He had a brief moment of terror when he turned his computer on and saw that his email inbox had 4o11 new messages from someone named Facebook. A minute or two, and a bunch of confusion later he figured out he was signed into his teenage son’s account and he managed to calm down a bit. A minute or two after that he figured out how to sign in, and we were in business. He said the layout looked great, and to carry on with what I was doing. I told him I was packing it in for the night, but that I would be back at it first thing tomorrow.

An hour after that I finally walked away from the computer (no, not this one) having completed the rest of the text layout for the entire first section of the appendix. Tomorrow I have to model a new electric hoist, and block and tackle (fuck you cyberspace!) before I can finish the next part of the appendix. Hopefully they are both easier the second time, because I just realized I also have to redo these. Fuck.

A little over a year ago, I made a card for the man above and his bride to be (now wife) for their wedding. I had modeled some items that were within my capabilities, which I felt somewhat represented the things they are passionate about. Ryan loves cycling, but I couldn’t at that time wrap my head around making something as complex as his super expensive bikes (too many round/cylindrical parts for my skills at that time). I chose to instead model a penny-farthing. Just a week or so back, Ryan’s wife Amber, posted a few images of Ryan rolling around their ‘hood on a real boneshaker!

The other morning I woke up and found the cats had opened the cupboard and dragged their bag of food out. This has happened a couple times before, but this time I was amazed. They literally got the bag out and dragged it at least six feet away, then chewed a hole big enough to fit their heads through, all without tipping it over. The other thing I couldn’t understand was why they didn’t eat the kibbles that spilled out during the dragging process. There was a sparse trail showing the path they took, but none of them touched any of those.

I’m thinking Tabbouleh was the mastermind. Although we all know Kanika is the queen of cupboard cat burgling.

Last night while at Heather’s Roan got a little bored, so he picked up a watering can and started pretending it was a gun. Gage and I had some questions about the design/mechanics of the pretend weapon, and all of it was captured in the video above. Enjoy!

…and if you’re reading this from an enemy air patrol, be warned! Those 100 cal. watering cans are capable of locking on from over 10 000 kilometers away. Bitch!

Yesterday I finally got paid for the hours I submitted on the 20th of August. It took forever, and I got dinged $30 because it got wired as opposed to direct deposited, but at least it’s finally here. I can now put my mind at ease, and also start to pay back Holly for all the help and support she’s given me since we’ve been together.

It turned out that the bank had given me the wrong account number, and Naomi had added an E to the end of my last name. Once that was all sorted out it didn’t take long to show up in my account (minus $30 though). I’m a little confused as to how the first direct payment actually came through, as she would have used the wrong account number that time too, but it still worked. I asked the bank, but they seem to never give me a straight answer (plenty of attitude, but no answers).

When Holly got home from work she handed me 25 resumes and cover letters she had printed for me, then helped me fold them after I signed each one. Then she took the boys and I to her friend Heather’s house for a barbecue and swim. We relaxed on the patio and had some drinks while the boys swam, then Roan taught me how to properly eat a “wish-chip” (above) while Holly and Heather got dinner ready.

This morning I had to email Naomi some images of the log house they build at the ISBA log course (can YOU spot the Cobra?). She had called last night, after we got the bank stuff figured out, and asked if I had any images so she didn’t have to use the same old shitty pictures they had on file. I sent her a few different views of the project building, then sent her a bunch of my notes from when I took the course. I’m not sure if they’ll use the notes, but I know if I was a student and I had the option of James’ two second chalk drawings or one of my highly accurate (and detailed!) renderings, I’d choose the latter every time.

After that, I rode my bike over to the bank and got money, then mailed all those resumes. Now I’m blogging for an hour or so while I enjoy a coffee and some sanity, then it’s back to perfecting the first, of what could possibly be many, volumes of the Master’s Guide to … Everything.

We went to see Jon on the weekend, hoping he’d be able to rescue some of my lost data on my laptop, and so Holly could go to her favourite Mexican restaurant. We were there until almost 3am and had no luck at all trying to find any of my files, or repairing the file system. So now I have officially lost about 30-45 hours of work for James, about 30 gigs of photos/videos of Holly and I, about 400 hours of personal work, 2 complete sets of questions for Dallas and Roan, and who knows what else (I’m sure plenty more, but I can’t be certain because I don’t even remember all of what was there.

Even though it wasn’t good news to find out, I’m still glad I know that it’s gone. I have had a rough couple weeks now, and I need to sort my life out. When I thought there was still hope to save some of that data I was avoiding redoing the work and carrying on with other important things. Now that I know better what I have to do (work-wise) in order to get back on track I can start moving on.

As for my financial stress, it hasn’t been even remotely alleviated. Last week I applied for social assistance, got home, got a phone call from James assuring me he was depositing money in my account, called and cancelled my welfare claim, and rejoiced slightly. That was last Friday. As of this moment there is still $5.07 in my bank account. I’m doing my best not to stress, but I’m about ready to give up. I can’t seem to get ahead of the game at all, no matter how hard I work.

So, as it stands now, I’m currently continuing to work on the book (possibly for free it seems) and actively seeking a job in Timber Framing. I most likely won’t be attending Disney with Holly and the boys in November (mainly because of money, but also because I spoke with some Ontario TFG members who said they’d have a booth setup at the Royal Winter Fair, which takes place the week we’re supposed to be at Disney.

James has told me to go easy on the number of hours I devote to the book (or should I say BOOKS, as he’s once again changed his mind and decided to go back to the original plan of 3 separate books – makes perfect sense considering how close we are to finishing the project as one book), so I’m taking that as more incentive to seek out the job I really want when I’m not working on the book(s) (which could be pretty often if that fucking money doesn’t show up soon).

I’m trying my best to stay positive through all this, but with a lack of money comes a lack of pot, and therefore a lack of patient, calm cobras. Thanks to everyone who has helped me out over the last week, and an extra big thanks to Holly for not only helping and providing for me, but also enduring my insanity (something no one but me should ever have to cope with).

Last week, when Gage went to his friends cottage for a few days, I lent him my old camera (the one that has no flash and constantly flashes an error code on screen) which still works for videos and photos in bright places. When he got home the other day, I asked to see his photos. He said he had forgotten all about it, and had only taken “two really cool videos” with it. I was excited to see these “really cool videos” so I turned the camera on and hit play. Both videos were about 35 seconds long, and both were videos of him and Mac playing Call of Duty. Neither was “really cool”, and it seemed like a waste of taking a camera up north for a week.

Later, Holly and I were watching tv, and Gage came to ask if he could use the camera to film Roan. I said sure, then forgot all about it. Yesterday I woke up miserable, and stayed that way for most of the day. Then I saw my camera sitting on the table and remembered that Gage was using it the night before. I hit the play button to see what he’d recorded and it instantly brought a smile to my face.

The first video is the best. It reminds me of me as a kid. I had a stuffed bear that was about the same height as me, and I would wrestle and toss him all over my parent’s house right up until I was probably Gage’s age. The video got even better when Roan started teabag’ing his stuffed animal and Gage chimes in – making his presence known for the first time – by saying “You go Tiger!” in his attempt at a lisp-y voice.

This second video is just Roan trying to convince Gage to make a funny video with him, but Gage isn’t willing. Roan then tries to get Gage to take a picture of him in a cool pose, which then turns into him smashing the chair with a broom handle repeatedly. Not as great as the first video, but it still makes me laugh.

I’m definitely going to have to let them use that camera more.

In the last 3 days I’ve gone from being extremely motivated and positive about the future, to wanting to curl up and die while the things I struggle to cope with overwhelm me.

First I lost an enormous amount of data and work, that I doubt I’ll be able to get back. This happened with one little click at around 12:30am Tuesday, while I was wrapping up a 12-15 hour work day (I suck at keeping track of hours). As a result I had a massive episode of panic, fear, anger, and suffered a huge blow to my motivation. I slept like shit and woke up completely devastated. I was already getting down about my money situation (nothing new really), and this was just something I didn’t need to have happen.

I decided to call James and let him know that the next deadline he and I had just discussed, was now going to need reevaluating. I was hoping he’d be supportive and maybe provide a little bit of a pep talk (something he’s done in the past when I was struggling), make things seem not as bad as the are. Instead I got to hear about his financial misfortune, and how I shouldn’t expect to see another paycheque for a while. He then said that the way he sees things, I can either put the project on hold until his funds are sorted or I can continue to work on it and get paid when he can afford it.

I’m not sure if I was just shocked, or if I’m as big of a pussy as Holly thinks I am, but I didn’t even think to ask him if I would be getting paid for the hours I had submitted the week prior (about 130 something hours). Instead, I just told James how badly I wanted to finish the book after investing so much time and energy into it thus far, and said – “Well, I really don’t want to pass this off to someone else, nor do I want to put it on the shelf with the intention of coming back to it some day (in case it never happens), so I guess I’ll just try and get it done as fast as possible, so you can start printing it and generating some money.”.

That would be fine if I still had some savings, but I don’t. I literally have $5 to my name, and even that should belong to VISA. I’m starting to bring Holly down with me, as she’s always willing to help me out. I feel like shit because I constantly fuck up, make wrong choices, and then I let it get so out of control it starts making the lives of the people I love difficult or miserable. I want to be a contributing factor in this family, and I feel like if that doesn’t start soon I need to remove myself before I do anymore damage. Holly shouldn’t have to worry about anything other than Gage and Roan. Me being in the equation just over-complicates things. I don’t want the boys missing out on anything because Holly had to cover my share of something. That’s not fair to her or them.

Today I officially stop working on the book (which is also sad because it so close to finished), and start looking for a job. In the meantime I’m hoping Social Assistance will be able to offer me some help. Holly sent out a couple resumes last night while I sat and tried to figure out how she writes cover letters so well and hated myself for sucking at it. There really isn’t much around here, but a couple positions we saw looked ideal for me. It may just be my negativity talking, but I really don’t expect to hear anything from anyone.

I have to find something positive in the immediate future. I can’t hide my misery at all and that’s not something the boys or Holly need to be exposed to. The only things that made me smile in the last two days was this card and a couple videos of the boys.

Roan is such a sweet kid, and I often give him a hard time because I’m an idiot. He spent an hour yesterday making me a card to cheer me up. It may not have solved my problems, but it definitely made me smile and melted my heart.

It’s things like this that make me think working a shitty job can’t be that bad if it means I get to still be a part of Holly and the boy’s lives. Now I just have to find a shitty job. Wish me luck…

Even though he’s got the black-cat-asshole gene and constantly beats on Kanika whenever she breathes, Shakespeare can be a cuddly little cobra cat. Today I went downstairs to get a drink and saw these two jail house lovers laying together at the top of the stairs.

By taking a picture I broke the whole session up, but it was worth it. I wish there was more natural light upstairs, the cats always seem to do the cutest things where there is the least light. Or maybe I just need to learn how to use a camera better.